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Testimony Of Brother Doc
Howdy everyone! I'm Doc! I'm 53 years old. I'm a Born Again Heathen and I'm
VERY proud of it. I got saved on December 1st of 2002. One year ago I was in
jail for crimes I'd done 2 years earlier. I was broke; I had no income of any
kind and no transportation of any kind. I lived in a tent for one year and
then in a 8'x12' shack for another 6 months. I had no electric, no water....
nothing. I survived with a gun and a fishing pole. I was also a part time
caretaker for an 85-year-old man and did a few odd jobs. I always had enough
money or other means to stay drunk constantly. Thanks to the devil and
alcoholism, I've been in 5 jails in 5 counties, I've lost 3 wives, 2 beautiful
children, 5 homes, 9 vehicles, lost my drivers license in 2 states, ......
much ...much .. more.
Now thanks to God and my blessed savior Jesus Christ, I'm sober with my own
home, (modest but paid for) on a beautiful piece of riverfront property. I
drive a nice vehicle (paid for). I own my own construction business and a
motorcycle that I was blessed with by some of the other Born Again Heathens.
On Mothers day weekend, I took a trip and spent 3 glorious days with 4 special
people. My 91 year old mother, my dearly beloved sister and (here's the real
kicker) my beautiful 2 children that I hadn't seen or talked to in nearly 11
years, now 20 and 18 years of age. You should have seen this tough guy cry.
Now if anybody out there wants to try and convince me that God isn't real, or
that my God isn't an awesome God, or that God doesn't answer prayer or forgive
me of my sins..... My phone number is (573) 429-4882 and I hope you have lots
of time because I've got lots of PROOF!
Ride with God.................... Doc
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Testimony of Sonshine
Hi!! My name is Sonshine (Chandra to everyone else).
I guess you could say that I'm one of the newest members of BAH.
My testimony is a little different from the other members here. Growing up I
had a pretty easy childhood. My parents didn't always go to church, but they
knew enough to answer most of the questions I had about god. I went to Sunday
school off and on, but since my parents didn't it was mostly with friends I
had spent the night with. Everything was going pretty good until I was about
12.
My family moved in with my grandmother to help her out after my grandfathers
death. She lived in a small community that doesn't always accept new people.
Right from the start things didn't go so well. I guess its true when they say
you can take the kid out of the city, but you can't take the city out of the
kid. Up till then I had lived in Springfield, MO. Not a huge place, but a far
cry from small town USA.
Maybe I just had too big of ideas. When I was in Junior High I started
attending a local church. At Sunday night youth services everyone would act
nice enough, but then come Monday morning, these same kids were the ones
making my life hell. I finally stopped going altogether when the Pastors wife
balled me out about some lie one of the youth had said at school that had got
back to her. After that I tried a few different youth groups, but the same
hypocrisies kept happening. Finally I just gave up on God.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, these events
made me who I am today.
On Halloween 1998, I lost my virginity to my bestfriends boyfriend, which
started a whole new kind of hell when she found out. The sad part is that she
was a really good friend to me, at a time when I didn't have any to spare.
Everything just went down hill from there. I got to the point of being a
pathological liar, so much so that if I thought you might pay attention to me
I would have tried to convince you the sky was orange. Even today, Satan will
try to make stupid little lies pop out of my mouth.
The next year after that was a blur of boyfriends and lies. All a guy had to
do was smile and give me 5 min of attention and I would be in the back of
there car by nightfall. Most the guys I dated were off the internet, so by the
time we met face to face I was already to infatuated to see the real person
there.
Sometime in the spring of 99, I went out with a "friend" on a supposed double
date. My date never showed, so her, her date and I all drove out by a lake to
party. I had way to much tequila and woke up to find myself in the middle of a
"threesome", that I later found out she had arranged from the start. There had
never been a date for me. That experience started me on the downhill spiral
into the bisexual lifestyle. I think a lot of it is that I had discovered that
not just guys would give me attention @ a price I hadn't minded to pay.
It would be a true statement to say I spent most of my time from 16 to 18 on
my back.
In spring of 2000 I might my future ex husband. As time past, and we got to
know more about each other, I found out that he was also bisexual. We decided
to try swinging/partner swapping. When you had already tried everything else,
that just seemed like the natural next step.
We got married in May of 2001 after living together for almost a year. It
wasn't a happy marriage, even from the beginning, in fact we spent more of our
honeymoon apart than together.
In Mid June I decided to leave him, with the help and advice of someone I
thought was a good friend. That night I decided my goal was to get drunk, not
just tipsy, but falling down passed out drunk. @ the time my 14 year old
brother was visiting and helped me move, so this so called best friend talked
me into letting him go with us.
Well I achieved my goal for the night, only to find out the next morning that
the friend had tied my brother to a chair, played a sexual game, and then
slept with him. She was 26.
After that I ended up going back to my then husband, only to be informed that
he had acquired a boyfriend while I was gone and had no intention of ending
that relationship. Who was I to tell him otherwise. If I had told him he was
wrong, I would have to admit I was doing wrong as well. The one thing I can
honestly say I am not, is a hypocrite.
In October of 2001, a construction crew started work on our house. It was a 3
man crew and one of the men just happened to be Wildfire, whom I married in
July 2002. @ first we were just friends, but as my marriage continued to go
downhill, and obviously so by now, I started looking @ him differently. By the
time January rolled around, I had decided to leave my husband for good and go
back to school, not to learn but as a way out. I also decided that I wanted to
have a relationship with Ronnie (wildfire), and I'm not talking about a good
friendship. Somehow those intentions got fast forwarded, and we found
ourselves snowed in together @ the crew foreman's house. I'll just let you
assume the rest. About a week after that I left Chris (ex husband). It was
around this time I got my first tattoo.. which is a funny story I'll tell you
all sometime in person. I moved back in with my parents and although Wildfire
and I started going to church together, we were still sleeping with each
other. We more or less went to church just to keep his father off our back.
About 3 months into our relationship, the spirit really started convicting us,
so we had a lot of conversations trying to justify our love life. Finally I
convinced him to marry me, and we were wed on July 3, 2002, just 9 days after
my divorce was final.
God has gotten hold of us so much. It didn't happen over night like so many
others here, it was a gradual thing for me, and not a very easy path @ times.
There were a lot of times I wouldn't make love to my husband because Satan
would start pointing out certain similarities in what we were doing and what I
had done in my past. Its ironic how it was finally OK to have sex, and I felt
like I was doing something bad. a lot of that has worked out, and I would like
to say that my past no longer haunts me, but it still does, and probably
always will to a point. at least now, when the memories come flooding back, I
have the spirit to remind me that although I may be remembering them, god
isn't. I just pray one day my children don't start making the same decisions
and I have to set them down and explain the follies of that life in real time.
The worst part is that we live in a time that being an alcoholic is still
looked down on by society, drug addicts are still breaking the law and most
people aren't supportive of them, and society in general looks @ convicts as
undesirable characters.
Its not so for sex. Our world no longer has whores, sluts, or simply
promiscuity. Now we just have players, sexually active, or sexually liberated
people. No longer is sex taboo or bad, not to mention sacred. Madonna kisses 2
female teen pop stars @ a music awards show, and not a single person
interviewed after said "Does anyone else see anything wrong with this
picture". all I heard was "that was hot". Yeah, well if they keep it up, it
wasn't as hot as where they're headed. Trust me, being a PLAYer is not fun,
being sexually ACTIVE is not healthy and being sexually LIBERATED is not being
free.
Reach out to God the first chance you get, cause the farther down you go, the
harder it is to reach back. You get to the point where you are so morally
numb, that you'll try and do anything. ONLY GOD CAN STOP THIS TRAIN...
Love and Prayers,
Sonshine
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Testimony of sister Linda
My son, John Allen Lane, died June 30, 2003. He was 32
years old. For two years my church, The Lord’s Chapel in Poplar Bluff, had him
in prayer. He suffered a heart attack induced by prescription drugs. He died
instantly. Through his death, God has used him, through me to witness to many
people about Jesus Christ our savior.
Sunday night before his death, I laid him on the altar and gave him to the
Lord and asked God to do whatever it would take to bring my son to where he
needed to be, never dreaming God’s plan, would be his death.
My son’s life over the last two years had been miserable. He was a drug user
for a long period of time. The last and most deadly were prescription drugs,
given to him by doctors, who simply didn’t care. He also suffered as a
manic-depressive and a bi-polar person. He had been in and out of the
hospitals in southeast Missouri frequently, never getting any real help, just
prescription drugs. Which inevitably played the biggest role in contributing
to his heart attack. He had just been dismissed from the hospital
 that
morning before he died. But God’s mind is not our mind and in His loving
mercy, He showed my son His ultimate love by taking him home. A dear brother
in Christ, who prayed all night for us, shared this with me. God revealed to
him that He (God) knew my son’s beginning, He knew his end and that He knew
his future and that by taking him home, He was saving my son from something
that he could not have lived with himself, causing him great heart ache and
sorrow and possibly suicide. All of a sudden it made sense to me. John had
shared something with me in the hospital that would have been devastating and
ruined his life. God was showing John Allen His mercy and great agape love by
bringing John Allen home so he wouldn’t have to suffer through this.
During my son’s funeral and while he lay in his casket, I was able to witness
to many people his age, which were his friends and fellow drug users. Each one
who approached his casket to view him and have a word of sympathy for me. I
was able to speak with them about Jesus. I would ask them, if my son could
tell them something now, what did they think it would be? Then I would say,
“He would tell you to turn your life over to Jesus, repent and turn to God”. A
seed was planted. I know God was using me through my son in his casket, to
tell these young people to live for Jesus. Then at that moment I remembered
about putting John Allen on God’s altar and this was how God was using him,
even in death, just like God’s son.
God has held me in His hand bringing me through all of this. God took my mind
off of me and my loss and put it on Him, giving me a peace and joy knowing
that my son and I are being used, even in death, to glorify the Father in
heaven.
A Sister in Christ,
Linda Watkins
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Testimony of EZ
Hey there... my name is Greg aka EZ. I've taken several
months to write my testimony because I just didn't know what to say. It seems
everybody and their dog has run heroin, smoked dope, and done all the assorted
twisted things that 20 years of that stuff will do to you. I don't even like
to share all of that stuff with Harley and Chopper because I feel like it's
reveling in it somehow. Suffice it to say that I've over dosed more times than
I can recall, and watched the life drain from friends bodies as they died in
front of me, from drugs and alcohol. Then there's the effect on my
family for what I was doing. The emotional damage done to all who care about
me, stealing from the people I love the most, hocking family heirlooms for
dust money. These were items that I would be heartsick over when I had my own
son to hand down family treasures to, but they were gone forever.
The amount of guilt and shame all of this stuff put on
me was debilitating. For years I was ready to clean up my act but I felt that
God wouldn't forgive all the stuff I'd done. Now I know that this was the
devil talking trash to me. It's his greatest weapon folks. Satan will deceive
you into thinking that you are beyond forgiveness. DON'T LISTEN! The
next biggest lie he tells you is that, "you gone back and done the bad thing
so many times that you don't even mean it when you ask for forgiveness". This
is a good one and it worked on me for years. I was even telling myself..."Greg
you got no integrity, go ahead be a hypocrite too".. I stopped asking God to
forgive me because I knew that I would probably do it again (even though
I was sincere at that moment about quitting). After that kind of self-doubt
time after time after time..... you want to quit asking. DON'T QUIT ASKING GOD
TO FORGIVE YOU !! I kept asking and guess what? After a period of prayer
and reading my Bible, God freed me from all satan's trash talking
and gave me an assurance of my own worth and of my SALVATION! Praise God
...FREE at last! My life has been blessed since that day. There are still hard
days but I know that God loves me and that He will not let me be tempted
beyond what I am able to bear. Every day is gravy folks. I'm on this earth to
praise Him and share His love with others.
1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and
just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
Either this verse is true.........or God is a liar. You
figure it out.
inHISname...............ez BTW....I'm
also the webmunster around here...if ya want to email me just click on "projectemail"
at the bottom of any page. God Bless You and Yours. Back to Top
Testimony of T.C.
This is a testimony from a Sister of Mercy
called Grace. TC is a nickname that I mainly go by. But the name of Grace was
given by my peers in the wonderful ministry called Sister's of Mercy. I have
to admit that it was God's Saving Grace that rescued me from the pits of
despair. As a child I knew what going to Church was and really loved Jesus
with all of my heart. I enjoyed going to church but all of that changed the
day my heart was broke.
As a little girl I would follow my dad
around everywhere he went and so I followed him to Church one day to help him
do some work on the Church for the Pastor. When we got to the Church my dad
went on in and I was a little bit behind him. Then all of a sudden someone
grabbed my arm and it was the Pastor. He said " YOU are NOT to COME in HERE
dressed like THAT!"
Well not understanding what he meant I
began to cry. I sat down on the steps and cried for a long time. It was from
this episode that started turning my heart hard! And at such a young age. I
felt like I was unloved and sure did not know why I could not come into Church
with my yellow shorts and top outfit that I loved to wear.
Well as I grew older so did the hurt
feelings go deeper and deeper. Every time I had a problem I would turn to
whatever I could to ease the pain I felt. Then it was just a snow ball effect
after that. Things got worse and so did I. Drugs, Jim Beam, DUI's, Divorce
after Divorce, Verbal and Physical Abuse from my husband ( got to where I was
packing a pistol for protection ), Single MOM, Job to Job, well I could go on
and on. I think you get the picture!
THEN IT HAPPENED AGAIN! I was in
another relationship and my worst nightmare came true. I was not loved as I
loved them. WELL that was the straw that weighted me down to hell.
I was so distraught I cried and cried and
to the point where I could not see where I was driving. I pulled into this
parking lot and when I finally focused my eyes I could see a Cross on a
Building. Wouldn't you know it was the Church Parking Lot of Faith Family
Worship. This is where my parents go to Church. I got out of my car and walked
in and saw my parents there and I sat down with them. I cried until I thought
I could cry no more.
It was on this night that the Lord Jesus
Christ came down and put his loving arms around me and I truly felt Peace in
my Heart. And most of ALL I felt the Love in my Soul that I so desperately had
been searching for all of my life.
I am so truly thankful for that touch I
received on that night. Even though life may have it's ups and downs I Proudly
Say Jesus is the Way and the only way for me. As part of my testimony I want
to Thank the Lord Jesus Christ for Saving me and for all of his many wonderful
blessings he has bestowed upon me. I am thankful for my Son Jeremy, My Husband
Harley, My Parents, My Brother, The Born Again Heathens, Sisters of Mercy and
all of my Christian Brothers and Sisters!
SO if you have looked for love in all of
the wrong faces. Looked for love in all of the wrong places. Search your heart
and look into the Face of Jesus. I DID!!!!!!!!!!!
Call me if you need a friend.
TC :)
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Testimony of Harley
My name is Laniel Crutchfield
a.k.a. "Harley", and this is my testimony. I was raised in a Christian home and
when I was old enough to make my own decisions, I decided God was not what I wanted in my
life. As it turns out, that would be the worst decision of my life.
I was pretty much into fighting
and intrigued with violence for most of my life. I think that's what drew me into the
outlaw biker lifestyle. Of course drugs and alcohol were also a big part of that
lifestyle. I became the "enforcer" for a motorcycle club near Peoria, Illinois,
probably because I had a black belt and was very skilled in ways to hurt people. Through
it all, everywhere I went, I could see that God was still with me. I should have been dead
many times over, but I just didn't want God in my life. Just as God's word says, there was
pleasure in sin for a season, but it was when that season was over that my real problems
began.
Drugs and alcohol were no longer
fun. Instead of me controlling them, they were in control of me. The more miserable I
became, the more violent and depressed I became. I then decided to take my own life with
an overdose of heroin, but God has chosen me at a young age and would not let me go. On
March 11th, 1990, at a church in Piedmont, Missouri, God and I finally met each other in a
real way. God actually came down to my level and loved me. Love was something that I had
lost hope of. When God loved me right where I was at, I knew that He was what I had been
searching for all along. I gave my heart to Him that night and was instantly set free from
drugs and alcohol.
No, I haven't been perfect since
that night, but I'll never stop trying because Jesus died for me and I want to live for
Him. So, no matter what you've done or what you think of yourself, you must know that
Jesus loves you and He died for your sins too. Ask Him into your heart and you to can be
saved.
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Testimony of Chopper
Friday, May 16, 2003 8:39PM.
Hello, my name is Scott Warmack. I'm a co-founder of this beautiful ministry. I feel that
I should take a moment to give glory to God. I had the heathen part of this figured out! I
bought and sold dope on a fairly large scale for a big part of my life. I've done some
time as a result of my folly to boot! I messed many peoples lives up because of my sales
of dope. I've seen faithful wives that loved their husbands that got started on it become
$10 hookers to get one more hit. I've seen gentle, even tempered men,who loved their
families, turn into violent monsters who would stop at nothing, to do just one more line.
My house was a revolving door to people who would practically give me their hard earned
possessions, for one more fix. I was convinced that these people were weak. My big saying
was, "you control the dope, you don't let the dope control you"! I thought I was
so in control.The profession that I had chosen had opened some pretty big doors for me
too. I am a musician, and I got to know, and perform with, some really impressive names in
the Blues community of the Chicago Blues circuit. I played some heavy metal music for many
years as well.
To hear what I have written so
far, one might think I had it going on, but one would be badly mistaken. I got involved
with a woman in the Rockford area of Illinois. She became pregnant with my child, and she
pulled out of the relationship. I don't wish to slander anyone's character, so I`ll just
say that even though tried, I was not able to be a father to my child. Up unto this point
in my life, I was not a violent person. Things had a way of bringing that to pass though.
I started drinking a lot, and a lot became not a very descriptive word in the end. I had
to start my day with it, and it had to be accessible 24/7. My wife today, had to live
through hell with me. I became more pathetic, than any person I thought I was better than,
in my past. My arrogant stride had become a drunken swagger. I took my wife to the belly
of depravity. I was so lost, I finally come to my senses.
I ended up chasing a church bus,
down the middle of main street, in the town we live in and I told the guy that I needed
God to help me. I tried other things but found no relief. I am now blessed with a life I
could only dream about just a few short years ago. The Lord saw fit to let me and #1 main
man Harley, start this ministry 9 months ago. We have a talk show on two radio stations.
We have a butt kickin band that glorifies the name of the Lord. We go to the jails and
minister to those who are in need, and as a result of all this we have brought over 100
souls to meet a loving God, who has purchased their pardon from a fiery grave!!! Ain't God
Good? Chopper(co-founder),The Born Again Heathens.
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The
Choices we Make
Testimony of Lowrider
Hello, my name is Lowrider, and I am the
vice-president of the Born Again Heathens Motorcycle Ministry, and I want to tell you want
Jesus has done for me.
From birth Satan tried to kill me. At birth I had bronchitis, premature birth, premature
lungs, and if not for the prayers of my family, I would of been dead. I grew up in a home
without a father. He left my mom when I was two. He wanted nothing to do with us. My mom
and family did the best they could, but it was hard growing up without a father figure in
my life, so as a teen, I chose people who were into the things I was in to be as a father
figure. I was around the ones who your mom warned you about. Potheads, metalheads,
crackheads, etc. I am the one who chose to hang out with the wrong crowd. The choices we
make we will have to reap. Funny thing is, I was raised in church. My mom tried her best,
but it was hard on us all. I rebelled against her and God. I had hate and anger towards
everyone. Kill or be killed and want to die. I was very depressed. I felt like I was a
nobody. When I was a teen I was abused sexually. It is not easy for me to talk about, but
I feel it is the reason for me being addicted to pornography. I did drugs to help me feel
normal. Drugs are nothing but a numbing effect to make us have a temporary feeling of self
worth. But the drugs will turn on you. Satan had me deceived in believing that if I gave
my life to drugs, alcohol, and to him I would have power to overcome my depression but
they only made it worse. I was in and out of church. Couldn't commit to anything. Because
of the choices I have made, I am now in a middle of a divorce. We all have choices to
make. We can live for Christ or
we can live for the devil. I lived for the devil. But Jesus had a different idea. I played
drums in a death metal band. Singing glory to Satan, little did I know Jesus would have me
play drums for Him.
Because of the choices I made I have had to reap many unpleasant
things, but Jesus is making it all better. One day I was down and out and the members of
the Born Again Heathens came to me and asked me to go to church. I thought what do I have
to lose. I went and let me tell you my life has not been the same. I decided to fully give
my life to Christ. To not look back but to look forwards in Him. I take it one day at a
time, no one second at a time. I am not perfect, but I am forgiven. Jesus has become the
father I never had. He has taken away my depression, He has taken away my lust, He has
taken away my drug habit. He has given me life and life more abundantly. Man, I love Jesus
and I thank Him for what He has done for me. He is bringing my
family back together. Praise God.
Man if you don't know Jesus as your savior please accept Him. He loves
you. No matter what you may of done, he gave His life for you to have salvation. If you
don't know him please say this little prayer.
"JESUS, I KNOW THAT I AM A SINNER. I KNOW THAT I NEED YOU TO SET ME FREE. YOU DIED ON
THE CROSS FOR MY SINS SO THAT I MAY HAVE ETERNAL LIFE. THANK YOU JESUS FOR SAVING ME AND
GIVING ME THE REASON TO LIVE. IN JESUS NAME AMEN!"
If you said this prayer you are forgiven. No matter what you may of
done, you are now on your way to heaven. Praise God! Please email us to let us know if you
said this prayer and I will write you and help you in your walk. Thank you and remember
Jesus and I love you
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Testimony of Stacey
Hi. My name is Stacey a.k.a. sis or sissy. My sister of
mercy name is Determination. Because I am determined, determined to be a good
wife, determined to be a good mom, determined to be a good person, determined to
be a good Christian. But most of all I am determined not to have the life that I
had.
Growing up, I was born in one religion, went to school in another religion and
was Baptist at age 16 in yet another religion, I was always taught about God but
always in different ways. So it made me start thinking and wondering. Wondering
why things happen, when we don’t want them to and nothing happens when we do
want them to. Until my husband, Mike; found the Lord’s Chapel and the Born Again
Heathens.
When we started going to church, I was totally lost. I blamed God for my “bad
life”. I blamed God for being abandoned by my dad when I was 6, by having my oldest at a
young age by myself, by losing my daughter who was a stillborn, for having a
young son who got lead poisoning and is now somewhat brain damaged, for having
abusive exboyfriends, etc. I’m sure you get the idea.
But what I learned from Pastor Rowdy, brother Chopper, brother Harley, and all
the Born Again Heathens is it’s not God’s fault, it’s the devils. God does
everything good but he gets the blunt of things when things go wrong.
This past December 2, I thought about suicide. I thought that everyone would be
better off without me. Now I am so glad that I didn’t do it. I had a good friend
of mine kill himself 3 years ago and another friend and her sister raped and
thrown off a bridge. They have never found my friend’s body. I started thinking
a lot about them last December and where they are now.
When my husband found the Lord’s Chapel this past June, I was on depression and
nerve pills, all I wanted to do is sit and watch t.v. and sleep. I never wanted
to do anything, or go anywhere even with my family. I didn’t even want to leave
the house, let alone clean it. Even brother Chopper said that I scared him with
the anger on my face. But going to church changed that. I am no longer on pills
everyday, I am up doing more things and I’m getting better at being a
housekeeper.
That same month of June I found God. I can’t say that my life is perfect but the
devil won’t let your life be perfect. But since then my life has been better.
Instead of living and dwelling on the bad things that happen I live for the good
things. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and treats me good. I have 2
wonderful boys, Adam and Jeremy, they are not perfect but they are mine, a
beautiful daughter who is an Angel that happens to not live with us but live
with the Lord and who is waiting for her family. It really hurts now having my
children see how I was. That’s all my boys knew and having my Angel look down at
me hoping I would change so when I die that I would go to heaven to be with her.
I hope that I don’t ever disappoint my children and God again.
I now am happy that I changed my life, I am happy that finally found God. I am
happy that I found the Born Again Heathens and the Lords Chapel. I am happy with
my family and with what I have in my life now. I am not the happiest person in
the world, don’t get me wrong I still worry about things but I am learning to
give God all my worries, like the bible says to do. It is hard to break old
habits but I am learning. Now do you see why I am called determined?
God be with you
Stacey aka sis
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Testimony of sister Peggy
Hi, Sept.29.2003
I don't know if this is a testimony or not but I know that since I found The
Born Again Heathens Show I feel like I've never felt before, I see things in a
different light and I hear things I ignored before, I SAY things I've never said
before and my HEART is full to the max with a love I have spent my entire adult
life looking for. I used to see happy people and envy them. I am SOOO new to
this but the other day I walked out of work with a smile on my face and a step
in my groove and I thought to myself, "I'm one of those happy people! So this is
what it feels like to be happy." It's not money, or position or my boss or my
lover or even my family that made it so, like I thought it would be. The
happiness is from knowing that I am walking with Jesus' s arm around my shoulder
and no matter what happens, I'll never, EVER be alone. He has forgiven me and I
can hold my head up HIGH and not be ashamed of the person I am today. I can
forgive others and I don't have to be anyones dirty little secret and I don't
have to keep carrying around my own dirty little secrets. I laid it all down on
an alter in my mind and gave it to God and I actually feel physically LIGHTER on
my feet! (HA!) I know now that the only PERFECT LOVE is the love Jesus has for
me and I don't have to walk on egg shells, I don't have to twist & turn bad
things around to try and justify what I'm doing by making it look good. I have
family who won't even talk to me right now for things that I've done and it
breaks my heart because since I met The Born Again Heathens I have a family that
I don't even know all their NAMES yet but they love me and they don't look down
their noses at me and they are a phone call away. I know now that the things
that tempted me before and knocked me to my knees were arrows straight from The
Devil and he don't give up easily, he don't give up EVER. But I know now to
dodge those arrows and I know Jesus Christ is my weapon and my shield. I
remember telling my mother-in-law that I'm NOT one of those churchy people, I'm
JUST NOT! Now I know it wasn't the wrong God, it was the wrong IDEA!!! I don't
have to worry about what I'll wear or if someone may be there who knows some of
the things I've done. All I have to worry about is my relationship with My God.
And it is so much easier than I thought it would be. Why did it take 44 years??
I'll never know. All I know is it hit me and the thing that opened that door was
Chopper & Harley's Radio Show. God love 'em! I'm excited about my own future
now!! Like I said, I'm so new to this but the future looks bright and for the
first time in my life it's not because of some GUY, it's because now my life is
about everything that's TRUE and GOOD and RIGHT. It blows me away! I know there
will be stumbling blocks. I also know that I might be hit but I won't fall down
and I know who to cry out to and HE WILL be there for me, if even just to be
able to handle the hurdles.!!!! Dang!!!! This feels GOOOOD!!!
Peggy
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